Today, after a long time, I revisited my blog. Though my passion for writing stayed strong inside me, my skills slowly deteriorated over the period. Like every working professional, I had pacified my guilt by the 'n' number of reasons I could find for supporting my lethargy of not dedicating time for my interest. And time took a hard hit on my skills and this I realized only when I started putting down my ideas and I ended up deleting whatever I typed for the first one hour. I understood that I definitely needed to brush up my skills now before I completely lost the only interest left inside me.
What made me to think of writing today, was a very small question. But the series of thought process that followed after hearing the question and before an answer came out of my mouth, really shattered me. I had a self realization of what have I become or rather what the world has turned me into. And the realization slowly dawned on me that this is not just me, but this is the story of every single human being living in this world.
With the rains lashing across the Silicon valley of India from past some days, I let go off the privilege of bike skiing on the roads and decided on a less adventurous mode of transport for commuting to and fro my workplace. I am generally not an adventurous person and my earlier experiences of diving into potholes, skiing across water filled roads, getting drenched with water splashing from passing vehicles made me opt for a safer journey in office cab. My motion sickness couldn't get better with sitting inside a closed 4 wheeled, gas smelling vehicle. Everyday I fought the nausea and tried wandering my thoughts across various aspects apart from the stuffy vehicle inside which I was trapped for hours. The traffic again was aggravating with the rains and waterlogged roads and time lost all its value on the roads of Bangalore. You could find drivers honking and fuming, some drivers who completely gave it up and had the most depressing expression on their face, some who drove by as dead would, expressionless. I understood that this could be the last stage of a person who has seen it almost everyday of his life.
Any which ways today I am not writing regarding traffic. My trafficgyaan on facebook vented out most of my anger in the form of sarcasm over a period of time and I too like the dead drivers, lost the interest to even write about it. Today I sat in the back of my cab having lost count of time, deep in my thoughts, the Hindi retro songs playing in my ear from Gaana.com and passing through the most sensitive area of Bangalore. And the sensitivity approached my network which usually is barred in the area and the song stopped playing in my ear replaced by the honking of vehicles around me. I was jolted from my thoughts when I realized that my cab driver was asking me something. Over a period of time, I somehow managed to learn the local language which saved me, I should say, in lot of situations. But still I was not equipped enough to understand the local language spoken with a local slang. With all my concentration and focus, removing the earplugs from my earphones fearing the sudden return of the song with the return of the network doesn't hinder my hearing power, I asked my driver to repeat the question. With all efforts to make me understand, he slowly repeated in Kannada "Madam, which party do you vote for, BJP or Congress?"
In any other circumstances, it would have been a very innocent question. But with the recent incidents that shook Bangalore, my brain cells got hyperactive and my mind twitched recalling all the possible hidden motive of this question. I was reminded of what happened to Gauri Lankesh for being open about her thoughts and having a frank opinion about Indian Political parties and systems. I looked at my driver's eyes looking at me through the rear view mirror and waiting for an answer. I imagined if the cab driver had the countrymade 7.65mm pistol which he may use, if I supported the party that he opposes. Would I also be shot inside this small, closed, 4 wheeled vehicle and nobody knows who shot me and for what. My name wouldn't even qualify to be mentioned along with Lankesh, Pansare or Dabholkar. I was not even an amateur writer. I remembered all the times when I had a strong opinion and thinking about the fate of those writers who expressed openly, I decided not to write any of it. And here again I am thrown out of my comfort zone and put in the spot and being asked the same question to which I stopped finding an answer long back. This is what Martin Niemöller said in the 1950's:
"First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out - Because I was not a Socialist.
I looked for a safe answer to come out of the situation and finally after much debate inside my brain, I told him "I do not have any parties, I have never voted".
My next thought, following my answer went to AAP where Arvind Kejriwal was attacked and blamed saying that he was an Anarchist. I realized my blunder and wondered about the consequences I would have to face for being rebellious about the Indian political system and not believing in any authority. Finally I shooed away all my fears and I managed to ask my driver, why he even asked that question. He casually said that he saw a welcome board outside the sensitive area for one of the leaders who visited Bangalore recently and just wanted to strike a conversation since he was also bored of lying in the traffic.
After this incident, the person I could relate myself to was Saint Peter. Saint Peter to whom Jesus said "Before dawn, Peter, you will forsake me 3 times." Everyone with disown Saint Peter for having betrayed Jesus Christ. But what fear can do to a man, even God can't stop. The fear for his life, made Saint Peter forsake Jesus and declare that he doesn't know Jesus Christ. Fear is far more powerful than any other feeling. It can make you do things and stop you from being yourself. With the recent deaths of people who have been vocal about their opinions, attacks on people who questioned the blind beliefs, outcast of people who tried to change the system, an environment of fear has been created in every citizen's heart. We say that world is moving ahead in time, technology, science has evolved and many discoveries are being made regarding the very existence of human beings, but where are we heading to? Are we reliving the era of fear instilled ruling like the Moghuls, the Rajas and the Britishers.? Are we going back in time, when entire world is moving fast forward.? And whom are we to blame for this? We have the answers, but we are too afraid to acknowledge it.
What made me to think of writing today, was a very small question. But the series of thought process that followed after hearing the question and before an answer came out of my mouth, really shattered me. I had a self realization of what have I become or rather what the world has turned me into. And the realization slowly dawned on me that this is not just me, but this is the story of every single human being living in this world.
With the rains lashing across the Silicon valley of India from past some days, I let go off the privilege of bike skiing on the roads and decided on a less adventurous mode of transport for commuting to and fro my workplace. I am generally not an adventurous person and my earlier experiences of diving into potholes, skiing across water filled roads, getting drenched with water splashing from passing vehicles made me opt for a safer journey in office cab. My motion sickness couldn't get better with sitting inside a closed 4 wheeled, gas smelling vehicle. Everyday I fought the nausea and tried wandering my thoughts across various aspects apart from the stuffy vehicle inside which I was trapped for hours. The traffic again was aggravating with the rains and waterlogged roads and time lost all its value on the roads of Bangalore. You could find drivers honking and fuming, some drivers who completely gave it up and had the most depressing expression on their face, some who drove by as dead would, expressionless. I understood that this could be the last stage of a person who has seen it almost everyday of his life.
Any which ways today I am not writing regarding traffic. My trafficgyaan on facebook vented out most of my anger in the form of sarcasm over a period of time and I too like the dead drivers, lost the interest to even write about it. Today I sat in the back of my cab having lost count of time, deep in my thoughts, the Hindi retro songs playing in my ear from Gaana.com and passing through the most sensitive area of Bangalore. And the sensitivity approached my network which usually is barred in the area and the song stopped playing in my ear replaced by the honking of vehicles around me. I was jolted from my thoughts when I realized that my cab driver was asking me something. Over a period of time, I somehow managed to learn the local language which saved me, I should say, in lot of situations. But still I was not equipped enough to understand the local language spoken with a local slang. With all my concentration and focus, removing the earplugs from my earphones fearing the sudden return of the song with the return of the network doesn't hinder my hearing power, I asked my driver to repeat the question. With all efforts to make me understand, he slowly repeated in Kannada "Madam, which party do you vote for, BJP or Congress?"
In any other circumstances, it would have been a very innocent question. But with the recent incidents that shook Bangalore, my brain cells got hyperactive and my mind twitched recalling all the possible hidden motive of this question. I was reminded of what happened to Gauri Lankesh for being open about her thoughts and having a frank opinion about Indian Political parties and systems. I looked at my driver's eyes looking at me through the rear view mirror and waiting for an answer. I imagined if the cab driver had the countrymade 7.65mm pistol which he may use, if I supported the party that he opposes. Would I also be shot inside this small, closed, 4 wheeled vehicle and nobody knows who shot me and for what. My name wouldn't even qualify to be mentioned along with Lankesh, Pansare or Dabholkar. I was not even an amateur writer. I remembered all the times when I had a strong opinion and thinking about the fate of those writers who expressed openly, I decided not to write any of it. And here again I am thrown out of my comfort zone and put in the spot and being asked the same question to which I stopped finding an answer long back. This is what Martin Niemöller said in the 1950's:
"First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out - Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out - Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out - Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me - And there was no one left to speak for Me."I looked for a safe answer to come out of the situation and finally after much debate inside my brain, I told him "I do not have any parties, I have never voted".
My next thought, following my answer went to AAP where Arvind Kejriwal was attacked and blamed saying that he was an Anarchist. I realized my blunder and wondered about the consequences I would have to face for being rebellious about the Indian political system and not believing in any authority. Finally I shooed away all my fears and I managed to ask my driver, why he even asked that question. He casually said that he saw a welcome board outside the sensitive area for one of the leaders who visited Bangalore recently and just wanted to strike a conversation since he was also bored of lying in the traffic.
After this incident, the person I could relate myself to was Saint Peter. Saint Peter to whom Jesus said "Before dawn, Peter, you will forsake me 3 times." Everyone with disown Saint Peter for having betrayed Jesus Christ. But what fear can do to a man, even God can't stop. The fear for his life, made Saint Peter forsake Jesus and declare that he doesn't know Jesus Christ. Fear is far more powerful than any other feeling. It can make you do things and stop you from being yourself. With the recent deaths of people who have been vocal about their opinions, attacks on people who questioned the blind beliefs, outcast of people who tried to change the system, an environment of fear has been created in every citizen's heart. We say that world is moving ahead in time, technology, science has evolved and many discoveries are being made regarding the very existence of human beings, but where are we heading to? Are we reliving the era of fear instilled ruling like the Moghuls, the Rajas and the Britishers.? Are we going back in time, when entire world is moving fast forward.? And whom are we to blame for this? We have the answers, but we are too afraid to acknowledge it.
